花仲穆 文學部落

我家後面有座山(19)
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    時間是下午四點半。
                                                                               
    離開筱玲家以後我才發現已經天亮，由於還有點想睡所以還是決定先到便利商店
                                                                               
    去買杯咖啡。
                                                                               
    那是一杯平價咖啡，多少錢其實沒有人在乎。
                                                                               
    重點是抽上一根菸以後我好像又活了過來。
                                                                               
    所以說喝咖啡跟抽菸之間有什麼必然的關係？抱歉沒有。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    我想表達的只是，想要做什麼就直接去作如此而已。
                                                                               
    只要是我想，馬上喝杯啤酒還是威士忌相信也不會有人反對。
                                                                               
    換言之現在不必在乎任何人的目光，前提是假使有人注意到我的話。
                                                                      
                                                                               
    頭髮已經不知道多久沒有剪了，比起筱玲肩下15公分的長髮還要長上一些。
                                                                               
    不是懶得整理，也跟適不適合八竿子打不上關係。
                                                                               
    純粹只是沒有人提醒而已：『你頭髮很久沒有剪了喔。』之類的話。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    還記得很久以前我認識一個髮型設計師。
                                                                               
    某段時間還蠻喜歡到美髮院洗頭的，因為她們的手指通常很美，又細又長之類的
                                                                               
    按摩頭部很舒服。
                                                                               
    她叫什麼名字去了？簡直天殺的誰會記得這種小事，可是拜託！我記得為什麼跟
                                                                               
    她分手。
                                                                                          
    『分手？』她一臉驚訝。
                                                                               
    『嗯。』我低下頭，壓根沒有想過理由。
                                                                               
    『為什麼？』
                                                                               
    這個問題我也很想問。
                                                                               
    不是因為第三者，也沒有任何所謂時間、距離、身份、金錢、年齡之類的麻煩問
                                                                               
    題。
                                                                               
    當時我很年輕腦袋只是想著，今天跟她分手大概也不錯的感覺。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    『我們在一起多久了？』我真心問著這個問題。
                                                                               
    『八個多月吧。』
                                                                               
    『有吵過架？』
                                                                               
    『沒有。』
                                                                     
    『有欠過妳錢嗎？』
                                                                               
    她搖頭，一臉不解。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    『雖然住在一起，可是洗衣、煮飯、倒垃圾、溜狗這些事情我有沒有偷懶過？』
                                                                               
    『沒有，你一直都對我很好。』
                                                                               
    『妳生日、聖誕節、情人節、甚至是每一個節日是不是都好好一起過了？』
                                                                               
    『是啊。』
                                                                               
                                                                               
    『是啊！所以現在分手有什麼不好？』
                                                                               
    該做的我都已經做了，看電影、吃大餐、喝咖啡、到處去玩、作愛，我跟她之間
                                                                               
    到底還剩下什麼？
                                                                               
                                                                                           
    『我不懂。』她苦笑會意過來：『不能一直這樣下去嗎？你很好。』
                                                                               
    『不能。』
                                                                               
    『為什麼？』
                                                                               
                                                                               
    『因為我沒有辦法保證可以一直對妳很好。』從口袋掏出一根菸點上，我整理思
                                                                               
    緒：『可是我又沒辦法找出妳的缺點，所以妳能明白嗎？』
                                                                               
    『明白什麼？』
                                                                               
                                                                               
    『如果現在結束，不管對妳或者對我都好，這樣我會記得妳一輩子，沒有爭吵，
                                                                               
    也沒有埋怨不是很好？』
                                                                               
    『可是……可是我捨不得啊！』她掉下眼淚。
                                                                                           
    『別哭了，難道妳想最後我記得妳的樣子是醜不拉機的嗎？』我伸手擦掉她的眼
                                                                               
    淚。
                                                                               
    她抹眼淚，然後努力擠出了一個非常勉強的微笑。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    『所以說，妳現在是不是應該去化個妝？』
                                                                               
    『化妝？』
                                                                               
    『反正妳快點去化就對了，去吧！記得穿上妳最漂亮的衣服。』
                                                                               
                                                                               
    趁著女人跑去化妝，我隨興簡單收拾了一下行理，完全就是突發性的行為。
                                                                               
    無論如何都想搬離這裡，立刻而且是馬上。
                                                                               
    除了衣服之外，幾乎把全部都留給了她。
                                                                               
    反正最重要的我都已經留下，到底還有什麼需要要帶走的呢？
                                                                                             
    大概半個小時以後，女人再度出現眼前，她一臉驚訝看著我的行理。
                                                                               
    『你要走？』
                                                                               
    『幫我洗個頭吧。』微笑，我不想要沒完沒了。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    『洗頭？』她有些哭笑不得。
                                                                               
    『是啊！妳已經很久很久很久沒有幫我洗頭了吧？』
                                                                               
    『你要我幫你洗頭？現在？』
                                                                               
    『對啊！』如果有必要，我想我會付錢：『這是我最後一個要求，可以嗎？』
                                                                               
                                                                               
    不管女人多麼的不解，總之她還是照做了。
                                                                               
    她的立場好像是做完這些以後，因為聽話了，乖巧了，所以剛剛分手那一段對話
                                                                               
    就會被立可白擦掉似的。
                                                                 
                                                                               
    然後她開始幫我洗頭，一邊用手指幫我按摩。
                                                                               
    『頭髮有點長了呢！』她稍微有些感慨。
                                                                               
    『很久沒有剪了啊，而且妳到底多久沒有幫我洗頭了？』
                                                                               
    『忘了。』
                                                                               
    『還記得一起住的時候，妳說過要每天幫我洗的對吧？』
                                                                               
    『好像是有說過。』一邊捏捏抓抓，女人稍微恢復了心情。
                                                                               
    不是我在說，女人的洗頭髮的技術真的很好！
                                                                               
    在專業上她非常強大，身為一家頂級髮廊的首席美髮師，在這點上她的手藝當真
                                                                               
    是完全毫無疑問。
                                                                               
                                                                                     
    只是她做夢也沒想過，為什麼我現在要她幫我洗頭呢？
                                                                               
    其實認識女人將近三年以來，當初幾乎三天兩頭的就跑去給她洗頭，直到突然有
                                                                               
    一天，她莫名奇妙成為了我女朋友。
                                                                               
    一直到了最近她興高采烈的告訴我，她終於成為了店裡指名最高的髮型設計師。
                                                                               
    美夢成真了呢！真好，我當時由衷的祝福而且羨慕著她。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    另一方面的同時，我又很悲哀的想到，她，會不會再也不幫我洗頭了呢？
                                                                               
    像她這麼厲害的人，在店裡應該不會再是幫人洗頭的小角色了，可是我卻仍然跟
                                                                               
    兩年多前認識她時一樣，做著很普通的工作，領著完全不起眼的薪水。
                                                                               
    所以我決定，離開她！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    『水溫還可以嗎？』
                                                                      
    也許是職業病，總之她這麼問了。
                                                                               
    『可以啊！』我眼眶有些濕潤。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    『幫我吹頭髮吧！』我笑。
                                                                               
    她點頭，然後慢條斯理的幫我把每一根髮絲吹乾。
                                                                               
    『好了好了，謝謝妳。』
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    起身以後，在關上門徹底離開女人之前，我背起行囊緊緊抱住了她。
                                                                               
    女人的身上很香，噴著香奈兒香水的她沒有理由不香。
                                                                               
    那個味道直到現在我都沒有忘記。
                                                                               
    而且直到現在，我每次洗完頭髮都沒有吹頭髮的習慣。
                                                               
    因為懶惰？其實不是，純粹只是因為再也沒有人幫我吹頭髮了而已。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    後來後來，一直到了現在……
                                                                               
    我想到其實自己身上擁有著許多正常人無法理解的特質或者習慣。
                                                                               
    為什麼不一樣？
                                                                               
    我無法解釋。但確定不過的是，其實每件事的一開始都很純粹，只是後來不知道
                                                                               
    為了什麼，不知不覺的變了。就好像原本就對不準的描圖紙般，被歲月一點一點
                                                                               
    的錯開。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    諷刺般的笑完自己，我抽完嘴裡的菸即刻再度點上一根。
                                                                               
    然後一口將剩餘的咖啡全部喝掉。
                                                                  
    跟著散步去那一家我從來沒有去過的星巴克。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    說到底我不喜歡星巴克，覺得那種地方壓根就不適合我。
                                                                               
    我對咖啡的品味很一般直觀上只分為好喝跟不好喝，從來不曾也無法分辨藍山跟
                                                                               
    拿鐵這兩種咖啡到底有什麼不同。
                                                                               
    對我來說咖啡就只是一種飲料，一種明明可以不需要，事實上卻不能沒有的液體。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    走進星巴克以後，噗鼻而來的是濃郁的研磨咖啡香味。
                                                                               
    那種味道真的很香，而且店內無處不在的高檔裝潢，音響裡播放的輕柔而且舒適
                                                                               
    的輕音樂，同時也提醒著我它價錢並不便宜的事實。
                                                                               
    距離時間還有一個鐘頭左右。
                                                                                            
    在耐心打發時間的空檔裡，我打開了背包並掏出了一本買了很久，卻根本沒有時
                                                                               
    間看完的小說。
                                                                               
    那是村上春樹的小說。
                                                                               
    一直以來我都很喜歡閱讀小說，也保持著定期訂閱新書的習慣，總之在這方面花
                                                                               
    費的金錢絕對不能算是小氣。只是只是好像哪裡壞了，現在我身邊認識女人居然
                                                                               
    沒有一個人喜歡看書。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    整天不是翻閱雜誌就是滑著手機，要不然就是忙得昏天暗地似的，『連看報紙都
                                                                               
    沒有時間了，死沒正經的看什麼小說呢！』筱玲總會這麼對我說教。
                                                                               
    這是她唯一，唯一看我不順眼的地方。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    對一個三十歲的男人來說，看小說等於不務正業？
                                                                  
    好像多少意味著這種感覺似的。而且不管是火車、公車上，除了圖書館之外不管
                                                                               
    哪裡都好，在公眾場合閱讀小說就好像是一種另類的存在。
                                                                               
    奇怪了！我就是喜歡在餐廳或酒吧裡看書不行？
                                                                               
                                                                               
    總之打定主意以後，我非常專心的一頁一頁翻閱了下去。
                                                                               
    就連點好的那杯價格並不廉價的拿鐵，一口也沒有喝過。
                                                                               
    一直到了我的眼前出現了一個渾身酒氣的女人！
                                                                               
                                                                               
    『對不起，我可以坐這裡嗎？』
                                                                               
    『我在等人。』我頭也沒抬。
                                                                               
    『如果我沒有猜錯，你應該是在等我。』女人沒好氣的放下背包，接著以無比強
                                                                               
    大的霸氣坐在我的對面。
                                                                  
    於是只好抬頭，我招誰惹誰了呢？
                                                                               
    眼前出現的是一個長髮及腰、眼睛大、睫毛長、嘴唇性感，指尖漂亮，身材好，
                                                                               
    打扮時髦，活脫脫就像是電影畫面裡走出來的女人！
                                                                               
                                                                               
    也許我很健忘，也許我的生命裡曾經有過無數個女人，但百分之百肯定的是，我
                                                                               
    絕對不認識她。
                                                                               
    但是奇怪的是為什麼心裡對她卻又偏偏有著這麼一點兩點的熟悉感覺呢？
                                                                               
    好吧！其實我在路上不管看到哪個美女都會有這種感覺才對。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    『妳很漂亮，可是我真的在等人。』
                                                                               
    『謝謝。』女人完全不理會我在說啥，只是不露痕跡的接受了我的讚美。
                                                                                        
    老實說，心裡真的有直接跟眼前女人約會也不錯的感覺。
                                                                               
    可是拜託！因為小說正好到了最精彩的片段，而且跟EMMA距離約定的時間還有半
                                                                               
    個小時左右。
                                                                               
    於是我看著渾身酒氣的她，只好非常無奈的回答：『點過飲料了嗎？』
                                                                               
    『點好了。』
                                                                               
                                                                               
    女人咖啡來了以後，她喝了一口然後皺著眉毛看了我一眼，然後原本皺著的眉毛
                                                                               
    又更皺了。
                                                                               
    『會喝酒嗎？』
                                                                               
    『會。』我說。
                                                                               
    『我突然很想喝酒。』
                                                                               
    『那好吧！我請妳喝酒好了，想喝什麼？』
                                                                   
    『那就走吧。』
                                                                               
                                                                               
    完全莫名奇妙的女人，說完就直接拎起手提包，順手還幫我付過了帳單然後大步
                                                                               
    走出星巴克，頭也不回的直接走向計程車。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    『要去哪裡喝？』我只好問。
                                                                               
    『去我家吧，我一個人住。』
                                                                               
    『妳家？』我張大嘴巴。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    眼前這個連名字都不知道的女人，實在太難以形容吧。
                                                                               
    哪有人第一次見面就直接約回家喝酒的？
                                                                               
    沒有？
                                                                                        
    好吧！其實這種對白我並不陌生。只是角色突然對調讓我有些措手不及而已。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    『你有問題？』
                                                                               
    『沒有！』我閉上嘴巴，待計程車開到便利商店附近的時候，我下車買了威士忌
                                                                               
    還有可樂，順手又買了幾包女人要抽的菸。
                                                                               
    然後我一直莫名其妙的想著，這個女人大概真的很想喝酒。