小張定稿  

 

                                                                  
                                                                               
                                                                               
        剛作完愛愛,躺在床上的我抽著菸腦袋一片空白。
                                                                               
        突然覺得有點無聊了噢!
                                                                               
        不管是誰全都一樣,當你的生活模式漸漸一成不變的時候,除了最
                                                                               
    直接改變之外,沒有任何其它的方式可以解決。
                                                                               
        打電動、彈吉它、玩電腦、看漫畫都是這樣,就連上床也不例外。
                                                                               
    我承認我是個非常花心的男人,卑鄙下流、骯髒齷齪的特點全都擁有。
                                                                               
    根本就無法想像,跟同一個女人做愛一輩子究竟會是怎麼樣的情況。
                                                                               
        我愛筱玲?人是習慣的動物,她幾乎完美到了無可挑剔的程度。不
                                                                 
    但年輕身材又好、皮膚白皙細嫩不說,就連叫床的聲音也是嗲得讓人血
                                                                               
    脈噴張,可是拜託很多事情第一眼就能完全確定,響往完全自由的我們
                                                                               
    ,愛情這兩個字在我跟她之間簡直就像是神聖而不可侵犯的天條!
                                                                               
        假如今天離開這個房間,我就可以心安理得的馬上跟另外一個女人
                                                                               
    愛愛,換言之她也一樣,關於這個我們絕對不會干涉彼此。這就是自由
                                                                               
    ?大概,除了自己的身體我不知道還能擁有什麼程度的自由。
                                                                               
                                                                               
        這就是好色?很多年以前有個女人說過,天蠍座就是好色。現在回
                                                                               
    想起來倒是一點沒錯,倒是那個女人是誰來著?忘了,生鏽腦袋忘得一
                                                                               
    乾二淨。除了把妹時候需要估狗臨時惡補瞎掰之外,多年來我從來沒接
                                                                               
    觸過星座,不但不拿香拜拜,也完全不相信所謂命運這一回事。為什麼
                                                                                                                                        
    ?其實我並不笨甚至很長一段時期還被人當成蠻聰明那一類的傢伙。所
                                                                               
    以我很明白所謂緣份,純粹只是經過不斷被計算的統計學而已。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
        『死鬼,你有想過結婚嗎?』筱玲表情平淡吐出菸圈,就像是在問
                                                                               
    著一件跟她完全沒有關係的事情。
                                                                               
        『沒有!』我直接回答。瘋了瘋了,結婚這檔事簡直就是天才才想
                                                                               
    得出來的IQ200。
                                                                               
        『怎麼可能會沒有!』
                                                                               
        聽到她這麼說,我抽著菸認真反省了一下,到底有沒有?沒有吧!
                                                                               
    如果有我大概也不知道忘到哪裡去了:『沒有。』
                                                                               
                                                                               
        『我想過。』
                                                                 
        『跟我?』不知道為什麼害怕到有點想笑,如果可能我倒寧願馬上
                                                                               
    勃起,讓她叫床的呻吟聲馬上終止掉這個話題。
                                                                               
        『不是。』她肯定回答。
                                                                               
        我鬆了口氣。
                                                                               
                                                                               
        『這很正常!每個女孩子都想過不是。』每個人都有笨過蠢過的時
                                                                               
    候,更何況我不認為筱玲是個聰明到哪的女人。
                                                                               
        『是啊!年輕的時候想過。』
                                                                               
        現在妳也沒有多老。青春洋溢的大學生不是?我從不懷疑她在學校
                                                                               
    究竟擁有幾個死忠的追求者。至於筱玲以前經歷過什麼,抱歉!我一點
                                                                               
    也不想知道。
                                                                                   
        每個人都有不想提及的過去,既然不想提及,那麼我也不想了解。
                                                                               
    我很清楚自己跟筱玲的分界點處在哪裡,也許我跟她可以分享生活裡的
                                                                               
    點滴,可以幫她做報告,幫她洗碗拖地甚至洗衣煮飯,所有正常人不想
                                                                               
    做的苦差事,我都願意一口氣全都包了,但基本上我跟她仍然是生活在
                                                                               
    兩個世界裡的不同人。
                                                                               
                                                                               
        無論如何如果不能體認到這一點的話,也許就是到了結束的時候。
                                                                               
                                                                               
        『以前有個男生對我很好,其實好不好我也不知道,我們家你是知
                                                                               
    道的,我不缺錢腦袋也不錯,大概因為長得很好看的關係,所以一直也
                                                                               
    有一些男人對我不錯,可是我就是覺得他不一樣,他從來沒有買過禮物
                                                                               
    給我,也沒有為我做過什麼事,甚至也沒有說過喜歡我,還喜歡說髒話
                                                                                        
    、飆車什麼的,很奇怪。』
                                                                               
                                                                               
        『長得很帥?』
                                                                               
        筱玲搖頭:『如果長得帥就好了,偏偏就是長得不帥,他長什麼樣
                                                                               
    子現在我都忘了,我只記得他騎車騎得很快,很快很快……第一次翹家
                                                                               
    、翹課,第一次騎摩托車車、罵三字經、在街上像瘋子一樣的打架,第
                                                                               
    一次喝酒、抽菸……』
                                                                               
                                                                               
        『第一次是給他吧。』稍微我有了一點興趣,沒有很多一點點而已
                                                                               
    ,聽著別人的故事總是比較輕鬆:『幾歲?』
                                                                               
                                                                               
        『十四歲還是十五歲?忘記了,其實幾乎根本就不重要吧,其實我
                                                                               
    是被他強暴的,他把我拖進房間裡莫名其妙就脫光了我的衣服,我完全
                                                                    
    沒有反應過來,只能一直哭一直哭大喊著不要。可是他沒有停下動作,
                                                                               
    也不管我痛不痛什麼的,動作粗魯直接就來了噢!你知道嗎?痛得要死
                                                                               
    ,真的痛到連血都流出來了,可是結束以後,我們在那天晚上又做好了
                                                                               
    好多次,數都數不清的好多次。我以為他愛我可是沒有,印象中我們每
                                                                               
    次見面就是愛愛而已,我跟他見面好像是為了這個。沒有什麼對或不對
                                                                               
    ,上不上高中還是家裡反對都沒有關係噢。不管到哪裡他都會帶著我,
                                                                               
    每天都送我上下課,帶我去打撞球、保齡球、飆車。不管他吃什麼都會
                                                                               
    分我一半,我說得任何話他都會幫我做到,我知道他疼我,路上有人稍
                                                                               
    微看我一眼,他就會馬上打過去噢!』
                                                                               
                                                                               
        『這麼厲害?』我張大嘴巴。
                                                                                              
        『是啊!他很厲害,我以前好像從來沒遇過這麼厲害的人,之後好
                                                                               
    像也沒有了。』筱玲突然笑著,笑得很甜:『都沒有了。』
                                                                               
        『然後呢?』
                                                                               
        『沒有然後了啊!哪來這麼多然後,他就只是個王八蛋而已。只是
                                                                               
    ,只是我以為自己可以一直跟他在一起,結婚還是同居都可以,有沒有
                                                                               
    錢誰在又在乎,可是沒有了。』

                                                                               
        『我是指,他現在人呢?』
                                                                               
        『就沒有了啊。』
                                                                               
        『沒有了?』
                                                                               
        『嗯。』笑著,那是第一次也是最後一次,我看見筱玲眼裡泛著一
                                                                               
    絲淚光:『就是沒有了啊。』
                                                      
                                                                               
                                                                               
        『好吧!所以說你現在都不想了?』始終還是回到主題了,這種陳
                                                                               
    腔爛調的故事我聽得又少了?
                                                                               
        『想啊!突然有一點想……』
                                                                               
        『所以說現在對象是我?不是這麼衰吧!』我突然大笑。
                                                                               
        咯咯咯咯咯,別鬧了吧!
                                                                               
                                                                               
        別讓我發笑了女人。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
        突然全身赤裸的筱玲轉過頭,很認真的看了我一眼:『我突然發現
                                                                               
    跟你結婚好像也不錯,死鬼,你到底有沒有想過要娶我啊!』
                                                                                              
        呃……既然她現在想玩這個遊戲,所以我似乎也很應該配合,簡直
                                                                               
    沒辦法,工作的一部份嘛:『是啊!我這麼愛妳,當然會想娶妳啊!八
                                                                               
    婆,嫁給我吧。』
                                                                               
        『要死了,要死了。』她便捧著肚子,將頭髮甩來甩去像拍廣告似
                                                                               
    的:『哈哈哈哈。』
                                                                               
        沒等她笑完,我馬上將跨下的東西塞進她嘴裡:『幫我一下吧。』
                                                                               
    然後她忘情的配合起來。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
        嘟嚕嚕嚕……嘟嚕嚕嚕……
                                                                               
        正當我準備下一個動作的時候,手機莫名響了起來。
     
                                                         
        該死!又是哪個女人?
                                                                               
                                                                               
        『喂!』我沒好氣的朝電話呻吟。
                                                                               
        『我……』電話另一端怯怯說著,陌生女孩的聲音。
                                                                               
        『妳是誰?』
                                                                               
        『我是EMMA,你還記得我嗎?昨天把咖啡倒在你……』
                                                                               
                                                                               
        EMMA?記憶裡完全沒有印象的女人,沒等她說完我直接打斷:『我
                                                                               
    有欠妳奶粉錢嗎?』
                                                                               
        『什麼奶粉錢?』
                                                                               
        『因為有太多女朋友,所以很怕哪一個有過一夜情的人突然回來跟我
                                                                               
    說,孩子出生了需要奶粉錢!」
                                                                                           
        像這樣的片段在很多時候都像跑馬燈似的在夢境裡跑著,理論上不可
                                                                               
    能,現實裡則簡直就像是個笑話。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
        『拜託我才認識你一天怎麼會欠我奶粉錢。』
                                                                               
        『那就對啦!欠奶粉錢的我都快忘了何況是那些沒欠的!』
                                                                               
                                                                               
        說到這幾乎已經想要掛斷電話。
                                                                               
        正當我要按下電源鍵的時候,那個叫EMMA的女人似乎還完全不想放過
                                                                               
        我似的。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
        『你有很多女朋友!』
                                                                               
        『族繁不及備載!』
                                                                 
        『好大的口氣!』那個叫EMMA的女孩笑得咯咯亂響。
                                                                               
                                                                               
         該說什麼呢?這年頭似乎就是這樣,越是真話越沒有人願意相信。
                                                                               
         那麼到底都相信了什麼呢!
                                                                               
         我很想知道。
                                                                               
                                                                               
         『怎麼了,還在?』
                                                                               
         『在啊!』離開筱玲的身體,我抓著手機稍微坐好。
                                                                               
                                                                               
         『現在有時間嗎?』
                                                                               
         『現在?』看了筱玲一眼,我然後用力點頭:『有。』
                                                                               
         『那六點左右,約在南崁的星巴克好嗎?』
                                                                                    
         『好。』掛斷電話,我起身慢條斯理的穿戴衣服。
                                                                               
                                                                               
         EMMA到底是誰?聽聲音應該不超過30歲才對,是上個女朋友,還是
                                                                               
     上上一個?
                                                                               
                                                                               
         『要出門?』
                                                                               
         『看不出來。』
                                                                               
         『跟女人?』筱玲挑眉,一臉偷笑的模樣:『你剛說話好好笑。』
                                                                               
         『不可以嗎?』我看著赤裸裸的筱玲,其實心裡想著不要出去,如
                                                                               
     果她開口我就不會走,我會繼續做完沒有做完的事情:『不知道是誰,
                                                                               
     可是既然打電話來,大概就是有事吧。』
                                                                               
                                                                               
         『沒有不可以。』筱玲跟著起身,然後背對著問我:『有錢嗎?』
                                                            
         『我身上錢還夠啊。』應該夠吧!喝杯星巴克花不了幾個錢。
                                                                               
         她隨手遞給我三千塊:『回來順便幫我買個晚餐吧。』
                                                                               
         『呃,晚上不知道會不會回來耶。』
                                                                               
         『是嗎!噢。』
                                                                               
                                                                               
         噢?
                                                                               
                                                                               
         至少今天晚上,不想回來。
                                                                               
         因為我覺得筱玲在掩飾著什麼,掩飾著現在心裡還想著那個曾經強
                                                                               
     暴過她的男人這個事實。
                                                                               
                         

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