花仲穆 文學部落

     二

      打開手機以後，當時酒店妹正在我上面，只見她拼命地忍住笑意，
                                                                               
      然後使勁的弄我，偶爾還發出輕微呼呼的聲音，一整個就是要我好
                                                                               
      看啊！
                                                                               
                                                                               
      可是我？這時簡直已經是被虎騎了跑不掉，所以只好努力的忍住一
                                                                               
      洩千里的情緒轉移注意力。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
      「是我。」依舊是正妹溫柔體貼的聲音。
                                                                               
      「嗯~喔」這聲有點像是呻吟，「怎麼了？」
                                                                               
      「我們....好像很多天沒有聯絡了，你最近忙嗎？」
                                                                               
      「還~還好。」我吞了口水，忍不住抽空伸出另一手朝酒店妹的胸
                                                                  
      部抓去，沒辦法啊！她的表情爽得讓我很想摔爛手機，將她反轉過
                                                                               
      來狠狠來上一發。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
      「今天可以見個面嗎？」
                                                                               
      「今天？呃....我晚上還要上班耶，明天好不好？」天可憐見，天
                                                                               
      將大任於斯人也，雖然今天強者我已經名符其實精疲力盡，可是好
                                                                               
      漢根本就不用著等十八年啊！
                                                                               
                                                                               
      「今天是我生日....不管幾點都好，我有話想跟你說。」正妹突然
                                                                               
      嚴肅了起來。
                                                                               
                                                                               
      這句話有如當頭棒喝，像冷水般完全讓禽獸般的我頓時進化成了人類。
                                                                
      整個人清醒過來以後，電話另一端已經剩下空蕩冰冷的嘟嘟聲了，也許
                                                                               
      是冷靜下來的關係，我甚至還隱約聽見腳步從門口離開的聲音。
                                                                               
                                                                               
      「女朋友喔？」酒店妹一邊笑著，腰部卻也沒有停止動作。
                                                                               
      「嗯，是啊。」我苦笑，可是雙手卻也沒有閒著，這種狀態下性慾還是
                                                                               
      戰勝了理性。
                                                                               
                                                                               
      也罷！還是快點結束了吧。
                                                                               
      想即於此，我馬上將酒店妹壓倒在床上，對準角度後又是一陣招呼，而
                                                                               
      且下手搓柔她胸部的時候，更像是報復般毫不留情的又抓又捏。
                                                                               
                                                                               
      可是我想，自己最過份的還不止是這樣，可能這些天對酒店妹有點膩的
                                                                                        
      關係，此時的我腦子裡完全就是“正妹”的身影啊！我下意識的把酒店
                                                                               
      妹跟正妹重疊在一塊了。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
      跟著我開始施展傳說中的九陽神功，九淺一深的，不斷不斷的抽插酒店
                                                                               
      妹。可能是因為年輕的關係吧，酒店妹的穴還是保持著一定程度的緊度
                                                                               
      ，所以自然就是，嗯，很爽！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
      好不容易完事以後，我這才洗了個澡，馬上衝了出去。
                                                                               
      直到一路上殺到了正妹家以後，打開了門，我發現她的眼眶已經泛紅像
                                                                               
      是不知道已經哭了多久。
                                                                               
                                                                               
      可是正妹不吵也不鬧，只是理性輕聲問了我一句：「剛剛在你房間裡的
                                                                       
      人是誰？」
                                                                               
                                                                               
      我？嗯！這個.....我不想解釋，重點是我根本不知道該怎樣解釋。
                                                                               
      我有些憤怒，失去欺騙本能的我像個孩子一樣的無助，因為我不了解自
                                                                               
      己是怎樣把自己陷在如此的困境啊。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
      「我....我妹，她剛好來台中找我。」酒店妹也是一種妹吧，我想。
                                                                               
                                                                               
      跟著那天，原本我有大好機會可以跟正妹來上一發的！她的嫩純，柔軟
                                                                               
      雪白的大胸部，還有那怎麼揉都揉不壞的布丁，處女所散發出來那楚楚
                                                                               
      可憐待人疼惜的氣質，完完全全都不是酒店妹那個風騷貨所能比擬的啊。
                                                                               
                                                                                            
      我知道，我真的知道，我全都知道。
                                                                               
      可是今安我已經完全無能為力了，以後還有沒有像這樣這麼好的機會？
                                                                               
      或許拒絕女孩子一次還可以稱之為溫柔體貼，第二次的話....
                                                                               
                                                                               
      隱約間，我感覺到正妹似乎知道些什麼，可是她一直沒有問。
                                                                               
      那天我跟正妹只是兩個人安靜的坐在房間裡，沒有蛋糕，沒有音樂，甚
                                                                               
      至沒有親熱。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
      而後來......

                                                             
     話說我跟正妹躺在床上，一句話也不說的默默過了許久，回過神來的時候
                                                                               
     才發覺，她姐姐已經掏出鑰匙準備破門而入了。
                                                                               
                                                                               
     氣氛頓時緊張了起來啊！可是當我看到正妹的姐姐時，這才發現啥叫人外
                                                                               
     有人天外有天，果然是同一家廠商出品的啊！素質很高，有保證過的那種
                                                                               
     ，但可能是比正妹大五歲的關係吧，看起來就是非常時髦，而且眼睛裡隱
                                                                               
     約透出成熟性感的光芒，這時我充份的理解到什麼才叫做優良血統啊。
                                                                               
                                                                               
     「你....你是誰？」這是正姐說的第一句話，完全不懷好意。
                                                                               
     看得出來對我的第一印象差到透頂了。
                                                                               
                                                                               
     「我....」我能說什麼呢？憑心而論，在這張床上，我可是一點都沒有染
                                                                      
     指過正妹啊。
                                                                               
     「他是我男朋友。」正妹說。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     正姐會意過來以後，仔細打量了我一會，彷彿像是看穿了我的內心世界般
                                                                               
     ，毫不留情的就丟下一句：「可以請你離開我家嗎？」
                                                                               
     自然，碰了一鼻子灰的我也省得自討沒趣，看了一眼哀怨的正妹以後，我
                                                                               
     只是淡淡的說：「再打電話給妳。」就逃也似的離開了現場。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     我心想，也許再也沒有機會見到正妹了吧。
                                                                               
     回到家以後這才發現，原來酒店妹還沒有離開小套房！
                                                                               
     這下子我壓抑許久的窩囊，終於還是忍不住一口氣地噴發惹！
                                                                    
                                                                               
     「喂！妳害得我跟女朋友差點分手，等會要上班，妳還不趕快回家洗澡？」
                                                                               
     簡直不是我在說吼！砲友跟情人我可是分得非常清楚的哩。
                                                                               
     是非黑白丟市安捏啦，噓我無情無義也好，罵我人渣敗類也罷，反正強者我
                                                                               
     每次上酒店妹時都沒有帶套。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     「關我屁事喔！幹，你這個人真的很沒有良心耶。」酒店妹即使罵人，口氣
                                                                               
     也是帶著嬌媚。
                                                                               
                                                                               
     「丟啦！林北丟市沒良心啦，怎樣？」不知道為啥，我就是想要大吵一架，
                                                                               
     管它是誰？林北只要一想到可能再也幹不到正妹，心情就整個爛掉壞掉了。
                                                                               
                                                                                         
     「好！有種以後不要找我。」酒店妹烙下狠話以後，狠狠甩爛套房的門。
                                                                               
                                                                               
     而我？再怎麼樣我七點還是要上班。
                                                                               
     可是不知道為什麼，那一整天，我腦袋裡想得人不是正妹，也不是有事沒事
                                                                               
     瞪我一眼的酒店妹，而是......正姐！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     靠！完全無法理解怎麼有人這麼下流卑鄙無恥啊？(用力噓吧！我知道註定了)
                                                                               
     更讓我受不了的是，接下來的幾天裡打槍槍的時候，我也是拼了命的翻著D
                                                                               
     潮，看遍了ptt的清新健康專業版，居然也找不到任何一個可堪比擬正姐清
                                                                               
     麗脫俗的女孩，這簡直是何等驚天動地的大事！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     就在那個時候，正妹好不容易才又打了通電話給我。
                                                                  
     她說想要約我去看電影，可是在這之前要先跟她姐三個人一起逛街，希望我
                                                                               
     能跟她姐好好相處。
                                                                               
     這種大好機會，我自然沒有拒絕的理由。
                                                                               
                                                                               
     於是一起逛街之前，強者我帶足了現金，帶足了誠意，花了三十分鐘修整頭
                                                                               
     髮，從衣櫃裡找出了最稱頭到足以相親的行頭，又確定今天戰力高昂，肯定
                                                                               
     萬無一失的狀態之下，這才出門。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     見到面以後，我當然就是極盡了諂媚奉成，開了掩昧良心的外掛，把生平所
                                                                               
     學的所有謊話全都講出來而已。
                                                                               
     不外乎就是說笑話，付錢大方，不顧形象的屁很多，時不時趁機在話題扯到
                                                                
     天氣真好的時候，讚美一下對方的服裝、化妝的討好技能而已。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     所謂千穿萬穿馬屁不穿啊！稟持著伸手不打笑臉人的西斯最高準則，我好像
                                                                               
     多少討了正姐的歡心，反正氣氛一整個就是輕鬆愉快。
                                                                               
                                                                               
     在言談之中，我沒少聽正姐說的話，完全就是成熟角度的典範啊！
                                                                               
     在金融界上班果然就是多了這麼一點兩點社會歷練。
                                                                               
                                                                               
     聽她說是有個男朋友啦，屬於那種經濟掛帥、學歷掛帥，長像一點都不帥的
                                                                               
     高手。
                                                                               
     這個時候啊！我突然感覺到一種，公主病的終極加強版啊。
                                                                               
                                                                                     
     初級的公主病，大概就是憑著一點姿色就自私又任性的目空一切啊，以為全
                                                                               
     世界都能在自己的掌握下，別人的死活都跟自己沒有關係，就像是....某煞
                                                                               
     氣a女孩一樣。
                                                                               
                                                                               
     中級版的大概就是姿色加上一點知識，頂著大學生的光環就要求對方必須有
                                                                               
     錢、有閒、有情有義啊！不但要求兇悍的30cm之外，更要求對方必須擁有衛
                                                                               
     兵、司機、水電工、搬運工、星座專家、電腦高手的種種技能。
                                                                               
                                                                               
     至於高級版，除了家世背景講究到能夠飛上枝頭當鳳凰之外，重點是一定要
                                                                               
     有車有房，有正當職業啊，簡直腦袋笨一點都會......
                                                                               
     呃，離題太遠，讓我們回到淡淡的悲傷吧。
                                                                               
                                                                                       
     總之聊著談著，正姐突然又將話題轉到我的身上。
                                                                               
                                                                               
     「你的職業是什麼呢？」
                                                                               
     「我....學生啊。」沒有人會把酒店上班這種事整天喧諸於口吧：「偶爾
                                                                               
     會打工啦。」
                                                                               
                                                                               
     就這麼一句話，正姐從此對我沒了興趣，可是礙著正妹的面子上也沒讓我
                                                                               
     難看，甚至還勉強跟著我和正妹去吃了麥當勞，也一塊看了電影。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     看來應該是不會反對了吧？
                                                                               
     而後來，最後的最後，好不容易送走了大神正姐，當我興高彩烈的帶著正妹
                                                                               
     回家，準備一逞獸慾施展國家抱負的時候，強者我此時心中充滿了正氣！
                                                                                           
                                                                               
     精氣貫長空，兇器在褲中，暴走洨、鬆島楓，無懼波濤與洶湧....
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     一路上樂得我精神錯亂啊！
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     今天不可能尬不到了吧？
                                                                               
     或許一次可以當成意外，第二次勉強還能稱得上是巧合，但第三次....
                                                                               
     (心想這次非要對不起標題，真要開阿斯拉衝惹啊！)
                                                                               
                                                                               
     果然，事實證明沒有任何一個正妹能夠逃走被尬的命運！而強者我今天就要
                                                                               
     寫下破處歷史的一頁。
                                                                               
                                                                                       
     然後，然後.....我牽著正妹的手打開了小套房的門。
                                                                               
                                                                               
     幹！那A安捏。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     只見正妹眼淚很快的潰決，被雷狂轟的我也輕易撕裂了胸膛。
                                                                               
     是她！好久沒有參加武林大會的酒店妹。
                                                                               
     此刻她正濃妝豔抹的坐在我的床上，那付樣子說有多欠幹就有多它媽欠幹。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     頓時，好吧！老實說3p的想法只是在腦袋一閃而過啦！
                                                                               
     回過神來時，正妹已經遠遠逃出了我的視線。
                                                                                               
     而我？渾身高強的功夫，就像是整個忘了怎麼施展一般。
                                                                               
     幹不到正妹難道是強者我命中註定的歸宿嗎？
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
     嗚~~從那一天以後，我就跟正妹分手了！自然再也沒有機會一親芳澤啊，反
                                                                               
     倒是正姐....